Every family has their yearly Holiday traditions, decorating the Christmas tree, baking snowman cupcakes or sitting by the fire enjoying a classic Christmas movie marathon.
Somehow, in my household Jokes and Riddles have become an integral part of all the Big 3 Holidays, Halloween Riddles, Easter Bunny Jokes and most of all Christmas Jokes are a strange but fun new family activity.
Unfortunately, the jokes on last years list were hit or miss. I found them randomly on Google and it seemed that most people who created them did not take the time to separate the wheat from the chaff. So, this year I decided to curate (and write) my very own list of the absolute best Christmas Jokes available anywhere in the galaxy.
These jokes are guaranteed to produce an abundance of giggles, groans and at least 2 dozen full on eye rolls (those are my favorite).
All of these Christmas Jokes are rated G and simple enough for most kids 4 years and up to understand, memorize and retell to their friends.
Let’s get to it!
- Santa Clause Jokes
- Elf Jokes
- Snowman Jokes
- Reindeer Jokes
- Christmas Tree Jokes
- More Funny Christmas Jokes
Santa Clause Jokes
Q: What did Santa Clause say when he crashed his sleigh?
A: Well, now I’m really Scrooged.
Q: What does Santa do in his garden?
A: Ho Ho Ho!
Q: What do you call Santa when he’s broke and has no money?
A: St. Nickle-less
Q: Why did Santa get a ticket on Christmas Eve?
A: He left his sled in a Snow Parking Zone.
Q: What do you call it after all the gifts for Christmas have been opened?
A: A Christmess
Q: What did Santa say when his toys were naughty?
A: Toys will be toys.
Q: Where does Santa stay when he goes on vaction?
A: At a ho-ho-ho-tel.
Q: What do you call a smelly Santa?
A: Farter Christmas.
Q: How do you know Santa’s a man?
A: No woman would wear the same outfit year after year.
Q: What did Santa say to all the toys on Christmas Eve?
A: Alright everybody, time to hit the sack.
Q: Where does Santa put his suit after Christmas?
A: In the CLAUS-et
Q: What do you call a person who is afraid of Santa Claus?
Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to sharks?
A: Santa Jaws.
Q: Who delivers Christmas presents to dogs?
A: Santa Paws.
Q: What’s as big as Santa Claus but weighs nothing?
A: His shadow.
Q: What does Santa say to Mrs. Claus when there are clouds in the sky?
A: It looks like rain, deer.
Q: What do you call Santa when he stops moving?
A: Santa Pause
Q: What’s red and white, red and white, red and white?
A: Santa Claus rolling down a hill.
Q: How do you know Santa Claus is good at karate?
A: He has a black belt.
Q: What goes Ho Ho Whoosh, Ho Ho Whoosh?
A: Santa going through a revolving door!
Q: Who is Santa’s favorite singer?
A: Elf-is Presley!
Q: What nationality is Santa Claus?
A: North Polish.
Q: What do you get when Santa becomes a detective?
A: Santa CLUES!
Q: What wears and red suit and goes, “Oh, oh, oh!”
A: Santa walking backwards!
Q: What does Santa say at the start of a race?
A: Ready, set, Ho! Ho! Ho!
Q: What’s a good time for Santa to come down the chimney?
Q: What kind of motorcycle does Santa like to ride?
A: A Holly Davidson!
Q: What do you get if Santa comes down the chimney while the fire is still burning?
A: Crisp Kringle!
Q: How do you know when Santa’s in the room?
A: You can sense his presents.
Q: What is Santa Claus’ favorite sandwich?
A: Peanut Butter and Jolly!
Q: What’s Santa Claus’s favorite track & field event?
A: North Pole-vaulting!
Q: What is an elf’s favorite sport?
A: North-pole vaulting.
Q: What is an elf’s favorite kind of music?
A: Wrap music!
Q: What do you call a greedy elf?
Q: What do you call an elf who steals gift wrap from the rich and gives it to the poor?
A: Ribbon Hood!
Q: What is green, white, and red all over?
A: A sunburnt elf!
Q: Why did Santa’s helper feel sad?
A: He had low elf-esteem.
Q: What do elves do after school?
A: Their gnome work.
Q: What does an elf study in school?
A: The elfabet.
Q: What do you call an elf wearing ear muffs?
A: Whatever you want. He can’t hear you anyway.
Q: What kind of picture did the elf post to Facebook?
A: An Elfie.
Q: What do elves learn in school?
A: The elf-abet.
Q: What kind of money do elves use?
A: Jingle bills!
Q: What do snowmen like to do at the weekend?
A: Just chill out.
Q: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A: Frosted flakes
Q: What do snowmen call their offspring?
Q: Where does a snowman keep his money?
A: In a snow bank.
Q: What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Q: How does a snowman get to school?
Q: What do you call a snowman in July?
A: A puddle
Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Do you smell carrots??
Q: Why did the snowman get a headache?
A: Brain freeze.
Q: What should you sing at a snowman’s birthday party?
A: Freeze a jolly good fellow.
Q: Why does everyone like Frosty the Snowman?
A: Because he’s so cool!
Q: What did one snowman say to the other snowman?
A: Have an ice day!
Q: How does a snowman lose weight?
A: He waits for the weather to get warmer!
Q: What do you call an old snowman?
Q: What do you call a snow monster that has six-pack abs?
A: The Abdominal Snowman
Q: What’s Frosty’s favorite desert?
A: Ice Krispie treats.
Q: What does Frosty do when he’s stressed out?
A: Take a chill pill.
Q: What do you get when you cross Frosty with a shark?
A: Frost bite!
Q: What do you get when you cross Frosty with a baker?
A: Frosty the Dough-man!
Q: What is the wettest kind of animal in Santa’s workshop?
Q: What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees?
Q: If a reindeer loses his tail, where can he find a new one?
A: A reTAIL store.
Q: What’s the weather report every Christmas Eve?
A: There’s a 100 percent chance of reindeer.
Q: What do you call a reindeer with bad manners?
Q. What did the teacher say to Rudolph when he didn’t prepare for his test on the Civil War?
A. You’ll go down in history!
Q: Why didn’t Rudolph go to school?
A: He was elf-taught!
Q: What did the reindeer say to the elf?
A: Nothing…reindeer can’t talk!
Q: How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?
A: He looks at his calen-“deer”!
Christmas Tree Jokes
Q: Why wouldn’t the cat climb the Christmas tree?
A: It was afraid of the bark!
Q: What did the Christmas tree say to the ornament?
A: Quit hanging around!
Q: Why did the Christmas tree go to the barber?
A: It needed to be trimmed!
Q: What is a Christmas tree’s favorite candy?
Q: Why are Christmas trees so fond of the past?
A: Because the present’s beneath them.
Q: Why are Christmas trees bad at sewing?
A: Because they always drop their needles!
More Funny Christmas Jokes
Q: What is the definition of Christmas:
A: The time when everyone gets “Santa”-mental.
Q: Where do polar bears vote?
A: The North Poll!
Q: How does a sheep say Merry Christmas?
A: Fleece Navidad!
Q: Why do mummies like Christmas so much?
A: Because of all the wrapping!
Q: What is a cow’s favorite holiday?
A: Moo-years Day.
Q: What’s the difference between Hanukkah and a dragon?
A: One lasts for eight nights and one sometimes ate knights.
Q: What did the cow say on Christmas morning?
A: Mooooey Christmas!
Q: Why was the Grinch such a great gardener?
A: He has a green thumb.
Q: What do gingerbread men use when they break their legs?
A: Candy canes
Q: What does the gingerbread man put on his bed?
A: Cookie sheets!
Q: Why did the gingerbread man go to the doctor?
A: He was feeling crummy.
Q: How does the snow globe feel this year?
A: A little shaken!
Q: What do vampires sing on New Year’s Eve?
A: Auld Fang Syne!
Q: What are you giving Mom and Dad for Christmas?
A: A LIST of everything I want!
Q: What does Jack Frost like best about school?
A: Snow and tell.
Q: What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
A: The letter “Y”!
Q: What kind of bug hates Christmas?
A: A humbug.
Q: What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ‘ribbet ribbet’?
A: A Mistle-toad!
Q: What is red, white, and blue during the holidays?
A: A sad candy cane.
Q: What’s a squirrel’s favorite Christmas tradition?
A: The Nutcracker
Q: What is the best key to get at Christmas?
A: A turkey!
Q: What part of our body can only be seen at Christmas-time?
A: The mistleTOE.
Q: What do road crews use at the North Pole?
A: Snow cones!
Q: What is the best thing to put in the Christmas pie?
A: Your teeth.
Q: How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
A: On the dark side!
Q; If an athlete gets athlete’s foot, what does an astronaut get?
A: Missile toe.
Q: What happens if you eat the Christmas decorations?
A: You get tinsel-itus
Q: What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
A: It’s Christmas, Eve!
Q: What is twenty feet tall, has sharp teeth and goes Ho Ho Ho?
A: Tyranno-santa Rex!
Q: What song do skunks sing at Christmas?
A: Jingle Smells
I hope you and your kids enjoyed this list of Christmas Jokes. If you have any other jokes about Santa Clause, Snowmen, Christmas Trees or any other Christmas icons that I didn’t include be sure to hit me up on my Facebook page or by using the contact form in the footer below. Thanks for reading!