50+ Funny Easter Quotes

Funny Easter quotes

Easter can get pretty serious, it is all about a guy coming back from the dead after all! So to keep things on the light side I decided to put together a list of the funniest quotes and sayings about Easter.

This was a lot of fun to research and I probably spent a bit too much time on it truth be told. I found awesome quotes from a very diverse assortment of writers, philosophers, and cultural icons. There are entries from country-western singers (Dolly Parton), kids cartoonists (Charles M. Shulz of Peanuts fame), and even a couple of bonefied movie stars!

So without further ado – here is my compilation of the 50+ Funniest Easter quotes, Easter captions, and funny Easter sayings of all time.

If you’re looking for Funny Easter Jokes then check out my post aptly entitled: 50+ Hare-larious Easter Jokes For Kids.

Funny Quotes About Easter

“Easter is a time for dressing up, looking your best, and hunting for candy. It’s Halloween in reverse.”
-Melanie White

“Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter. Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Christmas.”
-Jack Handy

“Easter is the only time when it’s perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket.”
-Evan Esar

Easter is the only time when it's perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket. Evan Esar quote

“The Easter Bunny ate all of the carrots we left for him. What a pig.”
-Steve Carell

“I wanted to give up my children for Lent, but nobody would take them.”
-Melanie White

“I still believe in Santa, the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy, and true love. Don’t even try to tell me different.”
-Dolly Parton

“Easter egg hunts are proof your child can find things when they really want to.”
-Unknown

Funny Easter quote - "Easter egg hunts are proof your child can find things when they really want to."

“That first Easter must have been awkward, because you know the apostles had already divided up Jesus’ stuff.”
-William Ader

“My father was so cheap. Every Easter we’d wear the same clothes, but he’d take us to a different church.”
-A. J. Jamal

“My favorite Catholic holiday is Easter. For those of you that don’t know, Easter is the day we celebrate Jesus rising from the grave and coming back to Earth as a rabbit that hides colored eggs.”
-Adam Ferrara

“If you believe in the Easter Bunny, it means you believe in a fat, purple bunny, which is pooping multi-color eggs in your garden.”
-Alex Antunes

“My mom used to say that Greek Easter was later because then you could get stuff cheaper.”
-Amy Sedaris

“Easter is so disappointing. You suffer all the way through lent, and what do you get for it? A ham.”
-Garrison Keillor

“Easter has been cancelled – they found the body.”
-Jim Butcher

“A guy comes down to earth, takes your sins, dies, and comes back three days later. You believe in him and go to heaven forever. How do you get from that to Hide-The-Eggs? Did Jesus have a problem with eggs? Did he go, When I come back, if I see any eggs, the whole salvation thing is off?”
-Jon Stewart

“Lent was invented so Catholics could take another shot at their New Year’s resolutions.”
-Melanie White

“Tell the chocolate bunny I’ll pass. I have enough men in my life who are hollow and disappointing.”
-Unknown

“If you see a rabbit laying little brown eggs, don’t eat them. It’s not chocolate!”
-Unknown

“A true friend is someone who thinks that you are a good egg even though he knows that you are slightly cracked.”
-Bernard Meltzer

“They have Easter egg hunts in Philadelphia, and if the kids don’t find the eggs, they get booed.”
-Bob Uecker

“Fun fact. Each year my mom has Easter tea with her friend named Bunny. Okay not that fun.”
-Carter Bays

“You’re like Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny combined – just as charming, and just as fake.”
-Daniel Wallace

“Happy Easter everyone! Jesus dies, comes back from the dead and we get chocolate eggs. It’s like turn-down service from God.”
-Dennis Leary

“Christmas and Easter bring wonderful treasures, but spirits and pumpkins bring far greater pleasures.”
-George Tibbles

“We have Christmas and Thanksgiving, and Easter, although we’re not exactly sure we celebrate them on the right days.”
-Henry De Vere Stacpoole

“The real reason Easter is on a different day each year is that sometimes it’s difficult to remember which lie you told.”
-Jimmy Carr

“Easter is of course to celebrate Jesus returning from the dead. Fair enough, it is difficult to resist a packet of mini eggs isn’t it?”
-Jimmy Carr

“I said a prayer that the Easter Bunny gets all his work done.”
-Joseph C. Cavella

“Every day’s a rebirth. Every day is Easter. Just remember to color your eggs happy colors, like yellow and baby blue.”
-Mark Ellinger

“Every day’s a rebirth. Every day is Easter. Just remember to color your eggs happy colors, like yellow and baby blue.” Mark Ellinger Easter quote

“Passover and Easter are the only Jewish and Christian holidays that move in sync, like the ice skating pairs we saw during the winter Olympics.”
-Marvin Olasky

“Easter combines the best of the present with the traditions of the past – like Cadbury cream eggs with hunting and gathering.”
-Melanie White

“I always felt Batman was best suited to the role of gritty urban crime detective, but now you guys have got him up against Santas, and Easter bunnies? I’m sorry, but that’s not my Batman!”
-Paul Dini

“Golf is just the adult version of an Easter Egg Hunt.”
-Pablo Neruda

“No presents for Christmas? That’s like Easter without high-stakes poker.”
-Steven Levitan

“I’m waiting for the Easter Wabbit. When he comes in looking so fluffy and cute with his wittle basket of Easter eggs… BANG! Easter Wabbit stew.”
-Warren Foster

“My mom asked me what I’m doing at Easter. I said the same as Jesus – going out Friday, coming back Monday.”
-Unknown

“Easter eggs are probably the weirdest part about this great holiday. Rabbits laying eggs and then children run around finding them and eating them thinking that they are chocolate.”
-Unknown

“Any holiday which starts with a ‘Good Friday’ can’t be all bad.”
-Unknown

“I’ll celebrate anyone who can turn water into wine.”
-Unknown

“I’m so excited for spring I think I wet my plants.”
-Unknown

Funny Easter Candy & Chocolate Quotes

“I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had three eggs… but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs.”
-Caroline Rhea

“There’s nothing better than a good friend, except a good friend with chocolate.”
-Linda Grayson

“All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn’t hurt!”
-Charles M. Schulz

All I really need is love, but a little chocolate now and then doesn't hurt! Charles M. Schulz quote

“Two thousand years ago, Jesus is crucified. Three days later, he walks out of a cave and they celebrate with chocolate bunnies and marshmallow Peeps and beautifully decorated eggs. I guess these were things Jesus loved as a child.”
-Billy Crystal

“Someone must X-ray my stomach to see if the Peeps I ate on Easter are still in there, intact and completely undigested. And I’m not talking about this past Easter. I’m talking about the last time I celebrated Easter, in 1962.”
-Bill Maher

Bunnies are cuddly, the large and the small, but I like the chocolate ones best of all.

Quote - Bunnies are cuddly, the large and the small, but I like the chocolate ones best of all.

Follow the bunny, he has the chocolate!

A balanced diet is chocolate in both hands.

Chocolate is the answer, who cares what the question is.

When life gives you lemons, throw it back and ask for chocolate.

How do I like my eggs? Cadbury.

All you need is love — and a chocolate bunny.

Quote - All you need is love — and a chocolate bunny.

I hope you enjoyed reading these funny Easter quotes as much as I enjoyed compiling them. If you are looking for something a bit more serious check out this list of Inspirational Easter Quotes, or this great list of Religious Easter Quotes.

Have a Happy Easter!

Funny Easter quotes
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