What Kind of Jokes Are You Looking For?
Halloween isn’t about being scared, at least not anymore. The holiday that used to revolve around keeping the spirits of the dead at bay is now a delightful occasion.
Children walk about in colorful costumes, on a fun quest to show off and get as much candy as possible. Deliciously macabre (yet completely harmless) motifs decorate houses, yards, and fences, giving the event a unique and recognizable look.
Ghosts, ghouls, and other familiar monsters can make us laugh just as much as they can terrify us, depending on their presentation.
With some gesticulation and a little bit of wordplay, we can turn even a vampire or a werewolf into a harmless, humorous figure.
Yes, today we will downplay these creatures’ scary aspects, and emphasize their comedic potential—all in good fun! Here you will find Halloween jokes for kids, guaranteed to put a smile on your young ones’ faces.
Despite the gloomy and dark nature of the holiday, you’ll find no harmful or inappropriate content on the list. These jokes are primarily for the young ones—they may refer to spirits or vampires, but are otherwise as innocent as they can be. That, of course, doesn’t mean that they won’t elicit a moans and groans from adults who read them.
Ghost Jokes
What do Ghost’s wear when their eye sight is failing?
Spookicles
What position does a ghost play in hockey?
Ghoulie.
What is a ghost’s nose full of?
Boooooogers!
What is a ghosts favorite drink?
Ghoul-aid.
What is the first sign you have a ghost in your house?
Your sheets are missing
On which day are ghosts most scary?
Fright-day!
What day do ghosts do their howling?
On Moan-day!
What do ghosts turn on in summer?
The scare-conditioner!
Why do ghosts hate rain?
It dampens their spirits.
What is a ghost’s favorite dessert?
Boo-berries and I Scream!
What is a ghost’s favorite bedtime story?
Little Boo Peep!
What kind of mistake does a ghost make?
A boo-boo!
What does a ghost do when he gets in the car?
Puts his sheet belt on!
What game do young ghosts love?
Hide and shriek!
What do ghosts eat for dinner?
Spook-etti.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Sham-boo!
What room is left out of a ghost’s house?
The living room.
Why were the little ghosts so successful in Little League?
They had team spirit.
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Lake Erie.
What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost?
Bamboo.
What happens when a ghost haunts a theater?
The actors get stage fright.
What do you call a ghost who gets too close to a bonfire?
A toasty ghosty.
What was the ghost’s favorite band?
The Grateful Dead.
What kind of horse does a ghost ride?
A Nightmare
Why was the ghost crying?
He wanted his mummy.
What’s a ghost’s favorite color?
Light Boo
What kind of story always begins with: “It was a dark and stormy night?”
A ghost’s bedtime story.
What is a spook’s favorite ride?
A roller-ghoster!
What kind of mistakes do spooks make?
Boo boos
Why do girl ghosts go on diets?
So they can keep their ghoulish figures.
How do you greet a ghost?
“How do you boo?”
What do ghosts like to throw?
A boo-marang.
What do you call a ghost with a broken leg?
A Hoblin Goblin
What kind of key does a ghost use to unlock their room?
A spoo-key
Why are ghosts so bad at telling lies?
Because you can see right through them.
What kind of shoes does a ghost wear?
Boooooots.
Why did the ghost go into the bar?
For the Boos
Who was the most famous ghost detective?
Sherlock Moans
What do ghosts eat?
Spooketi.
Where do ghosts mail letters?
The ghost office
Where do baby ghosts go while their parents work?
To day scare!
What did the boy ghost say to the girl ghost?
You sure are boo-tiful!
Why did the ghost starch his sheet?
He wanted everyone scared stiff.
Where do ghosts buy their food?
At the ghost-ery store!
What’s the ghost’s favorite thing about Thanksgiving dinner?
The grave-y.
Why did the ghost blow his nose?
Because it was full of booo-gers!
Vampire Jokes
What do you give a vampire when he’s sick?
Coffin-drops.
What happens when a vampire goes in the snow?
Frost bite!
How did the vampire race finish?
Neck and neck!
What type of coffee does a vampire drink?
De-coffin-ated!
How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern.
What would you get if you crossed a vampire and a teacher?
Lots of blood tests!
What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?
Necktarines!
How can you tell if a vampire has a cold?
He starts coffin!
How can you tell that a vampire likes baseball?
He turns into a bat every night.
What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A blood hound.
Where does Count Dracula usually eat his lunch?
At the casketeria.
Where does Dracula keep his money?
In a blood bank
What has webbed feet, feathers, fangs and goes quack-quack?
Count Duckula
How did the bat learn to fly?
He took batting lessons.
What’s a vampire’s least favorite meal?
A steak!
Why doesn’t Dracula have any friends?
Because he’s a pain in the neck.
Which Halloween monster is good at math?
Count Dracula!
What is a vampire’s favorite holiday?
Fangsgiving
What can you catch from a vampire in wintertime?
Frost-bite!
Why did the vampire take art class?
He wanted to learn how to draw blood
What is the tallest building in Transylvania?
The Vampire State Building.
What song do vampires hate?
You Are My Sunshine!
Witch Jokes
Why do witches fly on brooms?
Because vacuum cleaners are too heavy.
What do you get when you cross a witch with an iceberg?
A cold spell
What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?
Spelling.
What does a witch use to do her hair?
Scarespray!
What do you call two witches living together?
Broommates.
Where does the witch’s frog sit?
On a toadstool.
What do witches race on?
Vroomsticks!
How do you make a witch scratch?
Take away the ‘w’!
How do you make a witch stew?
Make her wait!
Why did the witch refuse to wear a flat hat?
Because there was no point to it.
When a witch lands, where does she park?
In a broom closet.
What do witches call for in a hotel room?
Broom service.
How does a witch tell time?
She looks at her witch-watch
What do you call a witch that lives on the beach?
A Sandwitch
What do witches put on their bagels?
Scream cheese!
Why do witches buy magazines?
To read the horrorscopes.
Why do witches wear nametags?
To know which witch is which.
Who do witches stop for on the highway?
Witch-hikers
Skeleton Jokes
Why did the skeletons catch a cold?
Because he was chilled to the bone.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to school?
His heart wasn’t in it.
Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn’t have the guts.
Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
No body
Why don’t skeletons play music in church?
Because they have no organs!
What did the skeleton order at the restaurant?
A glass of coke and a mop.
What instrument does a skeleton play?
A trom-bone.
What did the skeleton buy at the grocery store?
Spare ribs.
Why didn’t the skeleton go to the prom?
He had no body to dance with
What do you call an out of work skeleton?
Lazy Bones.
Who was the most famous French skeleton?
Napoleon bone-apart
Who was the most famous skeleton detective?
Sherlock Bones
How do you make a skeleton laugh?
You tickle his funny bone!
Frankenstein Jokes
Why was Frankenstein going to a psychiatrist?
One of his screws was loose.
What is Frankenstein’s favorite summertime food?
Frankenfurters
Which musical group does Frankenstein hate?
The Village People
What does Frankenstein’s monster call a screwdriver?
Daddy!
How did Frankenstein get around town?
He drove a monster truck.
What did Frankenstein’s monster say when he was struck by lightning?
Thanks, I needed that.
What do you call a genius monster?
Frank Einstein!
What monster plays tricks on Halloween?
Prank-enstein!
What does Frankenstein do as soon as the school bell rings?
He bolts.
What kind of makeup does the Bride of Frankenstein wear?
Mas-scare-a
What was Frankenstein complaining about?
He had a pain in the neck.
Who brings the Transylvanian monsters their babies?
Frankenstork.
Why did Frankenstein give up boxing?
Because he didn’t want to spoil his looks.
Why is Frankenstein such good fun?
Because he will have you in stitches!
Why was Frankenstein always wandering around the countryside?
He was trying to get a phone signal.
Monster Jokes
What is a monster’s favorite dessert?
I scream!
What can a monster do that you can’t do?
Count up to 25 on his fingers!
What do sea monsters have for dinner?
Fish and ships.
What kind of monster is the best dancer?
The boogieman
What happened to the monster who ate his own house?
He got homesick.
Who did the monster take to the Halloween dance?
His ghoul friend!
What’s scarier than a monster?
A MOMster.
Why wasn’t there any food left after the monster party?
Because everyone was a goblin
What’s big, scary and has three wheels?
A monster riding a tricycle!
What’s a monster’s favorite bean?
A human bean
What is the best way to speak to a monster?
From far away!
Why didn’t the monster eat the crazy person?
He was allergic to nuts.
What do demons eat for breakfast?
Deviled eggs
Why do demons and ghouls hang out together?
Because demons are a ghouls best friend!
Mummy Jokes
Why do mummies make excellent spies?
They’re good at keeping things under wraps.
What is a mummy’s favorite type of music?
Wrap.
Why don’t mummies have time for fun?
They are too wrapped up in their work.
What do you call a friendly dead Egyptian?
A chummy mummy
What do you call a mummy eating in bed?
A crummy mummy
What kind of underwear do mummies wear?
Fruit of the Tomb
Why didn’t the Mummy have any friends?
He was too wrapped up in himself.
What do moms dress up as on Halloween?
Mummies!
Scarecrow Jokes
What fruit do scarecrows love the most?
Straw-berries.
Why did the scarecrow win the Nobel Prize?
Because he was out standing in his field.
How does a scarecrow drink his juice?
With a straw
Werewolf Jokes
What do you get when you cross Tinkerbell with a werewolf?
A hairy fairy.
What did the werewolf eat after his teeth cleaning?
The dentist.
Where does a werewolf like to hide?
In your claws-it
Zombie Jokes
Why did the zombie skip school?
He felt rotten.
What does a zombie vegetarian eat?
“GRRRAAAIINS!”
Where does the zombie live?
On a dead end street.
What does it take to become a zombie?
Dead-ication
Where do zombies love to go swimming?
The Dead Sea
What is a zombie’s favorite thing to eat?
Brain food.
Pumpkin Jokes
How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.
What do you call a fat Jack-O-Lantern?
A plumpkin
What do you get if you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
Pumpkin pi!
What’s the best thing to put into pumpkin pie?
Your teeth.
Why do pumpkins sit on porches?
They have no hands to knock on the door.
Random Halloween Jokes
If you worked in a mortuary, what would you call your free time?
Coffin Break
When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?
If you are a mouse.
What do birds say on Halloween?
Trick or Tweet!
Did you hear about the untidy cemetery?
You wouldn’t want to be caught dead in there!
Why do they have a fence around the graveyard?
Because everyone is dying to get in!
Why did Dr Jekyll cross the road?
To get to the other Hyde!
What do birds give out on Halloween?
Tweets.
What happened to the man who didn’t pay his exorcist?
He was repossessed
Why are graveyards noisy?
Because of all the coffin!
What did one bat say to the other?
Let’s hang around together.
What do black cats like to eat on hot days?
Mice cream cones.
How do you open the door to a haunted house?
With a skeleton key
Today’s Halloween celebrations are nothing like the holidays of old. We no longer shy away from the unknown and the grim but instead embrace it. If anything, we are intrigued and we want to know more.
With his sharp teeth, pale skin, and that unquenching thirst for human blood, Dracula is one scary guy. Those facts, however, don’t mean that we can’t get a good laugh or two at his expense. We can easily apply that rationale to every fictional monster that anyone has ever thought up. No matter what they look like, if we laugh at our nightmares, then they become powerless against us.
Yes, laughter has been, is, and will remain, our strongest weapon against our deepest fears. It is only through humor that we were able to transform a holiday that was about huddling in terror into the costume-filled, candy-gifting extravaganza that it is today.
By showing our kids the funny side of the things that skitter in the dark, we will do more than just put smiles on their faces. We will also help them prepare for adulthood, where a healthy sense of humor will be even more important.
