101 Pirate Jokes For Kids That Arrrrr Super-Hilarious

pirate kids on toy pirate boat

Ahoy matey! All hands on deck to hear some seriously hilarious pirate jokes for kids. You’ll be exclaiming ‘Yo-ho-ho, these here be the best jokes across the 7 seas!’ in no time!

We’ve got jokes for big and little kids, knock-knock jokes and jokes that will make you say ‘Haaaaarrrr haaarrrr haaaarrrr’.

We absolutely love jokes in our household and themed jokes are the best because we can integrate them in our dress up imaginative play days. On pirate day we get all decked out in our hooks, eye patches and pegs and have treasure troves worth of laughs as we try to out-do each other with jokes, puns and one-liners.

Of course anyone who tells a joke that drops like an anchor, walks the plank or becomes marooned. The funniest joke creates our new Cap’n who gets to pick dinner and usually has a head start in the treasure hunt. The kids will be thinking of jokes for days and making each other and us giggle.

Joke telling is also a great way to boost kids confidence and social skills, as well as teaching them about language and forcing them to think laterally about it. Plus you get a laugh so it’s a real parenting win when your kids are on board.

To help you get started, we’ve prepared a loot of pirate jokes for kids, but if your kids aren’t the swashbuckling type, check out our Dinosaur or Robot jokes instead.

ARRRRRR Jokes

These have been a staple of the Pirate joke genre for years. Rattle off 5 or 6 of these in rapid succession and the eye rolls will be epic.

What kind of socks does a pirate wear?
AAAARGHYLE

Which Star Wars character do pirates like the most?
Aarrrrggh-2-D2!

What is a pirate’s most favorite doll?
Baaaaaarrrrrrrbie!

How do pirates like to cook their steaks?
On a BAAAARRRRRBECUE!

What be a pirate’s favorite vegetable?
ARRRRtichokes!

What was the pirate’s favorite U.S state?
Arrrrkansas

What’s a pirate’s favorite country?
Arrrr-gentina!

What was the pirate’s favorite school subject?
Arrrrrt!

What’s a pirate’s favorite element?
Arrrrgon . . . or gold!

Why didn’t the pirate go to the movies?
Because it was rated AAAAARGH

How does a pirate get to the top of the building?
By elevataaaaarrrrrr!!!!!

Why did the pirate like playing golf?
He was always under parrrrrrr.

What does a dyslexic pirate say?
Raaaaaaa!

Which character from Star Wars do pirates love the most?
Aaaaaarrrrgh- 2 D-2.

Where do pirates go to get sketch pads and pencils?
The aaaaarrrrtt store!

What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
You’d think it would be arrr, but it’s actually the C!

What are pirates afraid of?
The DAAAARGHK

Where do pirates put their trash?
The Garrrrrrrrrrrbage can.

What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guitaaarrrrrrr.

Where do pirate’s park their ships?
The HAAAARGHBOR

Why are pirates called pirates?
They just arrrrrgh!

Why do pirates love Thanksgiving?
That get to carrrrrve the turkey.

How do pirates dispose of their trash?
They throw it in the Gaaaaarrrrbage can.

What is a pirate’s favorite restaurant?
You would think it would be Arrrrrbys – but it was actually Long John Silver’s.

Pirate Jokes For Little Kids

What does a pirate say on his 80th birthday?
“Aye, Matey.”

How much did the pirate pay for his ear piercings?
A buck-an-ear.

What’s the difference between a pirate and a cranberry farmer?
A pirate buries his treasure, but a cranberry farmer treasures his berries.

What do ye call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
A rookie.

How much did the pirate pay for his hook and peg leg?
An arm and a leg!

What’s a pirate’s favorite movie?
Booty and the Beast.

What do you call a pirate who steals from the rich and gives to the poor?
Robin Hook!

What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the snow?
Shiver me timbers!

What has 8 legs, 8 arms, and 8 eyes?
8 pirates.

What did the pirate wear on Halloween?
A pumpkin patch.

What’s a pirate’s favorite kind of fish?
A swordfish!

Why is being a pirate so addictive?
Because once you lose your first hand, you get hooked!

Why do pirates carry swords?
Because swords can’t walk.

Why couldn’t the pirate crew play cards?
Because the captain was standing on the deck!

Why did two pirates get into an argument?
Because they couldn’t see aye to aye!

Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at “C”!

How do pirates make their money?
By hook or by crook!

What happened when Bluebeard fell overboard in the Red Sea?
He got marooned.

Why was the pirate good at basketball?
He had a great hook shot!

Why is it best to avoid taking a pea from a pirate?
He then becomes irate!

What kind of grades does a pirate get in school?
High C’s!

What are the 10 letters of the pirate alphabet?
I, I, R, and the seven C’s!

Where’s a pirate’s favorite place to eat breakfast?
IHOP!

Where do pirates put their weapons?
In their enemies.

What did the ocean say to the pirate?
Nothing, it just waved!

What was the name of the pirate’s girlfriend?
Peggy!

What kind of ships do pirates find hard to maintain?
Relationships!

Where can ye find a pirate who has lost his wooden legs?
Right where ye left him.

What does pirate Santa say?
Row row row!

How do ye make a pirate irate?
Take away the “p.”

What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
Termites. 

Which part of the deck stinks the most?
The poop deck.

Where do pirates go for a drink?
The sand bar!

Where do pirates buy their hooks?
The second hand store

Why do pirates take a long time to learn the alphabet?
They take a long time because they always get stuck at “c”!

Why did the pirate cross the road?
To get to the second-hand shop

When does a pirate get a new ship?
When it’s on sail

What do pirates wear in the winter?
Long Johns!

What do you call a stupid pirate?
The pillage idiot!

What do you call a pirate with three eyes?
Piiirate!

How did the pirate find out he needed glasses?
He took an aye exam!

Why don’t pirates get hungry when shipwrecked on an island?
Because of all the sand which is there

What is a pirate’s favorite kind of cookie?
Ship’s Ahoy!

Why was man arrested for making a waxwork of Captain Hook?
It is illegal to make a pirate copy.

Why was the pirate strolling through the park dragging a piece of wood behind him tied to some string?
Because the captain had told him to go walk the plank.

Pirate Jokes For Big Kids

Why did the pirate give up playing golf?
Because he kept hooking the ball!

Why couldn’t the pirate stop binge-watching the TV series?
Because he was hooked!

What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.

What do you call a pirate’s hair style?
A crew cut

What lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

How do pirates prefer to communicate?
Aye to aye!

Why do people find it very hard to call a pirate?
Because he always leaves his phone off the hook.

What’s a pirate’s favorite type of exercise?
The plank!

How does a pirate communicate with his crew mates?
With an Aye phone.

Why are pirates so good at singing?
Because they can hit the high C’s!

Why couldn’t the pirates play cards?
Because they were standing on the deck!

Why don’t pirates shower before they walk the plank?
Because they will just wash up on the shore later.

Why are math teachers secretly pirates?
Because they’re always trying to find X!

What do you call a pirate who skips class?
Captain Hooky!

How does a pirate, who wears a patch, say “Yes” to the captain?
He says, “Eye Eye, captain”.

What’s a parrot’s favorite game?
Hide and speak!

What was the pirate boxer’s biggest strength?
His left hook!

What’s the difference between a hungry pirate and a drunken pirate?
One has a rumbling tummy, and the other’s a tumbling rummy.

Why did the pirate go to the Apple store?
To buy an iPatch.

Why did the pirate put a belt on a pumpkin?
He wanted to be a squashbuckler

Why was Queen Elizabeth I’s hearing secretly so good?
She had lots of private ears (privateeers)

Pirate Knock Knock Jokes

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Garden.
Garden who?
I’m garden the treasure!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Turner.
Turner who?
Turner round there’s a pirate behind you!

Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Interrupting pirate.
Interrup-
ARRR!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Garden
Garden who?
Garden the treasure

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Scally
Scally who?
Scallywag!

Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Turner
Turner who?
Turner round there’s a pirate behind you!

We hope you had a whale of a time with our ‘haaarrrrrrrlarious’ pirate jokes for kids. I’m guessing by now you’re totally hooked on joke telling, but if you needed more convincing, here is a great article that discusses how humor is a key to children’s development.

Humor provides an outlet for kids to discover and learn about the things that they’re interested in, or developmental tasks they’re struggling with. It’s why your 9 month old finds peekaboo hilarious, but your 6 year old would be totally bored by it.

Your 9 month old is only just beginning to understand where you go when you leave and while they mostly understand you’re behind your hands, there’s tension while they wait for you to reappear and delight when you eventually do. What your kids find funny will indicate where they’re at developmentally and where their interests lie.

Joke-telling is also a great confidence boost for kids as they discover the tension of having the attention of a room, trying to remember a punch line, and deliver it in the right way that gets a laugh.

Jokes also improve language skills and can help to teach your kids about the world. They also offer some bonding time with your kids as you try to make each other chuckle and there’s absolutely nothing better than that.

pirate kids on toy pirate boat
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